I will attempt to make this short, as I feel a little under the weather today. I feel like I am getting a cold or something, and little Lilly waking up in the wee hours of the morning, is not helping! anyways…. If you are anti-spanking, then don’t read this blog.
We went to 7-11 after church yesterday, and dh came out of there with another man, dh was laughing pretty hard. He then told me about a customer that was in 7-11 with her son. (who was probably younger than our boys). Well, the boy was pretty upset with her, and hit her! and then she proceeds to tell the boy (in what my dh said was a passive tone) something along the lines “well, looks like you will be taking a nap, we do not hit” and the boy went hysterical screaming at the top of of his lungs that he did not want to take a nap, and she couldn’t make him…blah blah blah. And with all of this she was not the least bit authoritative, or stern.
Dh said the man that walked out with him had said “If that was my kid he would have gotten spanked right there in the store!” dh agreed with the man. As do I! dh just sighed and said “we (parents in general) are sissy-fying a whole generation of kids”
I have to say I am passionate about the topic of parenting, and I do believe firm tone and occasional spankings are necessary (OK, just put down that rock you are about to chuck at me, this is my opinion, and I am not advocating abuse!)
I went to school to be a preschool teacher, and was shocked that the discipline methods were so lax, I understand teachers not being able to use spankings (but I remember staying out of trouble at school, because I didn’t want to be paddled, and because dad would have let me have a spankin’ at home too lol) but we were told not to use negative language (not, no, can’t, don’t), not to use time outs (unless the child was going to harm himself or others), and we needed to “redirect” if they were doing something they weren’t supposed to! All fine in theory…did I mention I tried these methods with my own children (as well as my 3 yr old class at work when I was working) ? maybe I should also mention, the fact that they did not work, and the kids would be even more manipulative. I think the kids my classroom were semi-behaved more so due to the scheduling of the day it was structured, and we were keeping their minds busy (that is VERY important)
Back to my children. I had James and Abby with my first husband (who passed away 3 yrs ago, see my other blogs “my outlet” pt 1,2 and 3 for full story) We were both young and not very good parents. I was suffering from depression and my husband was bipolar and abusive. I was weird with my parenting , sometimes I could care less what they were doing as long as they were not getting hurt, and other times I was real hard on them. When I married my second husband (another abusive man) I was starting to accept my role as mom, and started seeing what this cruel man was doing to my son, he was over using the spanking , to the point that James was TERRIFIED of him, and Abby was the same way. The more it happened the more it was starting to happen to me too… I did make the decision to make him leave, to protect my children, and when he came back to get his stuff his sister nearly beat me because according to her, everything I said was a lie and I was using him (come on now, I supported him for almost 2yrs while he couldn’t hold down a job….) and that he was not abusing anyone.
It was in those days and weeks following that, I knew I needed to change, and become the mom I should be, not too passive, but not overly disciplinarian. My children were exhibiting the scars of the things that happen. James was hyperactive, emotionally immature, prone to outbursts, unusual behavior at school (licking things, chewing on clothes, etc) and still having bm accidents (he was 6-7 at the time), and Abby was hyperactive, seeking out male attention (flirtatious behaviors) and had an “entitled” princess attitude. I know that my actions or lack of helped create these undesirable behaviors and I felt like I wanted to give up.
Right when I was at my weakest, God sent my dh, Al. We met at church, and turns out he was having similar issues with his son. Together we make a good team, we are united in our parenting (occasionally there are some bumps in that road, but most of the time we are united). He is good at explaining to the kids why they are getting disciplined, and talking with them about that. We have a semi-structured home (as structured as it can be with 4-5 kids in our home at all times 
) we use spanking, usually when they repeat a behavior they have been in trouble for before that day. We also use loss of privileges, and time outs. We are pretty consistent with all forms of discipline, and it is working for the most part.
We are still learning, but I can tell you that they are all so much better than they were 2 yrs ago. (imagine kids running amuck in a restaurant or store, yeah, that was them 2 yrs ago) We have helped them learn to control themselves, and mind their manners (for the most part) at least while in public. James and Abby’s behaviors are drastically improved, and they are far better than they used to be. We are still working on a few areas, but in time it will get better. I don’t intend to brag, because if it weren’t for God giving us strength and wisdom to keep going, then I would be writing a far different story.
In closing, every time I see an unruly child with a passive parent(s) I just wish there was some sort of true discipline whether a light swat or taking to the car (oooh I hated that as a kid, having to sit in the car with mom lol), instead of the bribing with candy, or giving in to the tantrum. BRIBING is wrong when you a grown-up is should be wrong when dealing with kids! ach! thats a whole other blog for me. lol, but what are we doing to our kids? is it a big coincidence that kids are getting more out of control and violent with our “professionals” recommending all this feel good fluff? Sounds to me like there were a lot of parents who got their feelings hurt when they were kids, who don’t have the guts to discipline now (and look at their kids, running around, hitting, etc). I admit, that I did a lot of things to deserve the spankings I got, and I thank my parents for loving me enough to be willing to discipline when necessary.
now for my recommended site in line with this topic :
http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/
This is a REALLY good website, and I have to admit I have not been doing everything I have read, but the few things I have implemented have been working pretty good!
