I feel like I can finally breathe freely again. The divorce was final a couple of weeks ago, and that burden is gone. Now I can concentrate fully on God, the only thing that has brought me this far in life, and the only one who has been there for me…unconditionally.
I made it through my summer semester of school with flying colors, but had to drop the fall semester as it was too much for me at the time. I kept falling further and further behind…I know I could do each assignment, but it was the amount of work that was piled on top of me that made me drop. I need to pay back some grants before I can go back, and I don’t know when that will be. I am hoping to get a part time job to make ends meet (especially since I don’t have the financial aid coming in). I have some things that I am helping a friend out with, that could potentially end up being a job, BUT that is all in God’s timing. And I have to figure out what to do from here until that happens.
It seems like every day I am further and further behind on bills. I make sure my house payment is made and my van, and everything comes later, if the money is there. Then there is the fact that my feet and knees are in constant pain, due to arch issues I have had since Feb. there are some days that are bearable, when I have stayed on top of taking ibuprofen 800’s day and night.
And then there are the comments that come from well-meaning (or at least I hope so!) individuals that have no clue exactly what is going on in my life. They can assume that I am being lazy, that is their problem. Through prayer, God has told me “Patience”. He has timing in everything, including finding a job. But I don’t expect everyone to understand that. They can assume I didn’t do enough in my divorce. I know that I did what God wanted me to do, by not taking him for everything he’s got. Yes, he deserved it, but I couldn’t get a peace about doing that to him.
Even through all this adversity, I can’t give up. I won’t give up. I keep on going, by a Strength that is bigger than me. He understands me at my core, and He has always been there. He has blessed me with friends who accept me and encourage me through this. He protected me years ago when my first husband abused me so badly, and He healed the wounds that were left from all of that. He was there when I was a little girl , when I was convinced I was unlovable. And He is here for me now, reminding me I am worth so much more than what I settle for. One thing He has brought to mind is that my hardships are not only for my growth, but so others can see His glory and hand through it all. And that is my hope. I don’t regret anything, even when times are tough. I know these hard times are only temporary.
((hugs)) W