Its strange how God using things to talk to us. I have always held a fascination for other denominations and sects that had stricter guidelines for modesty and headcovering. I also have almost always kept covered up, the main reason, I was such a tomboy, and I hit puberty before all my peers. I should also mention, that I told myself I would NEVER cover… lol
Several years ago, probably 3-4 to be exact, I was browsing through the library, and decided to read some Christian fiction. I saw some Beverly Lewis books on the book shelf and decided to give it a try 🙂 from that day on, I was hooked on her books. On a quiet day, I could read pretty much the whole book. I love her stories of the Amish. I started getting nonfiction books about the Amish, I wanted to read as much as I could about Amish, to see whether there was any truth to the novels. I learned so much from all that, but I also know that even the non-fiction does not 100% accurately describe their culture. Then a couple of years ago, when I got my computer and internet, my interest was renewed. I spent time searching out websites in the areas where Amish lived. I would look at what photos were available, I loved looking at the ladies’ dresses and coverings.
The more I was reading, the further God would lead me to where He wanted me. I came across a website that mentioned the Biblical references to modesty and headcovering. Then I started reading in the Bible about modesty and covering, anything I could get my hands on. I started doing research on both of those topics too. I ended up finding many websites on modesty, covering, and Biblical femininity, and realized that God was speaking to me.
The first thing He brought to my attention was my fear of being feminine. For so long, I hated being a woman, I hated it so much. I wanted to control the men in my life, I wanted to do what I wanted, not what God wanted. And God showed me how detrimental it could be for all my children, both boys and girls. God created men and women differently for a reason! And I was determined to do what ever it took to follow Him, and to strengthen my marriage.
Then God told me to start wearing dresses or skirts late last fall. While my clothes covered my body, they were a bit snug, and with a post baby body, pants never would stay up, even with a belt lol. So I folded up my pants and shorts, and capris and put them into my closet. I made a couple of simple jumpers, and started wearing those all the time. Immediately, I felt different. I carried myself differently, and I started acting more feminine. Even my husband noticed I was different, and in a good way 🙂 It felt natural and comfortable. Weeks later I felt lead to throw away all my makeup, God was telling me, to accept who I was, with out make up….and He lead me to Psalm 139. I am learning that God made me perfect just the way I am. And its amazing how people treat you different too, I have to say people are generally more polite. 🙂
All the while I was still researching headcovering. I felt the tug to cover, but I didn’t want too lol. The more I read on the subject, the more I felt lead to cover. Occasionally I would wear my one and only bandana when no one was around. One night, I felt lead to talk to my husband about it, I prayed that he would initiate, since I was reading it in the Bible (I am not one who likes to start conversations lol) So he asked me what I was reading, and I read him the passage, talked with him about it for a little while, and then I told him God was asking me too, and would he support me…and he said while he doesn’t believe its required, he believes its a choice, and if God is telling me too, then do it! I was so relieved!
I covered at home a lot, and started covering at church, when we started visiting churches, its easy when thats all people know 🙂 I have worn it out only a handful of times, I struggle with being self conscious, since there are VERY few ladies that headcover around here in Oklahoma. I know God wants me to cover fulltime, and He has been very patient with me so far 🙂 So I have been praying about that. To be honest, I have not been wearing it as much as I should around the house…and thats my fault, I need to wear it more, and quit letting myself get the best of me!
anyway, that is my modesty and headcovering testimony, please keep me in y’alls prayers as I keep seeking God’s will for me in this area. I am by nature a very shy person, who doesn’t like all the stares, I get anxious about it at times. I believe God is using this to teach me to get over my fears, and to follow Him! If I can’t follow Him in this little thing, then how can I when He tells me to do something a little more difficult?