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Archive for October, 2011

For future reference…

I wanted to write a blog to write down some things about dating and such. I wanted a place to direct possible dates, suitors,boyfriends etc so they know what’s what before I even consider giving them the time of day. They need to know what my standards are, and if they don’t like it, they can’t say that they haven’t been warned 😉

Please don’t think this is me saying I am already set to start dating, because I am not. Some of you may know of a commitment I have made: No dating for at least 6 months after the divorce, and even then it will be a consideration. I am in no rush to get into a relationship. My priority is God and my children. I do not want to keep repeating the same cycles that have plagued me my whole life. I have learned I deserve to have my standards in men set high…because I deserve it. Most of my life, I have felt that I deserved the worst men, and the abuse. I felt like I didn’t deserve to ever be happy. Now I know that I am worth being treated good.

So here it is, boys…this is what you need to be aware of BEFORE I can give you an answer. These are not not necessarily in order of importance (except  the first 2!)

 

  • God is first in my life – to be in my life, you will not be my other half, you will be a third! He is what I live and breathe for. He is my everything.
  • My children are a priority and are part of the package – They are my gift from God. For too long they have been pushed aside by men who have come in and out of my life. This will not happen anymore. You treat them like crap, and I guarantee that you will never see me again.
  • God must be first in your life – I will watch you, and will ask around. You must love God more than anything. You must love God more than I do, you must love God more than me. If not…see ya!
  • If you have kids, they better be a priority too! Just like I stated for me, they are part of your package. If you are just lookin’ for a momma for your kids, then look somewhere else. I love children, but cannot do that emotionally, and I definitely won’t do that to my kids either.
  • I am not a booty call! Ok, time for me to be a little blunt, and this might be TMI, but needs to be said. I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU! I am done with that part of my life. I do not “hook up”, I do not “play around”.  Unless  we are married, it ain’t happenin’.  I don’t feel the need to explain it any further.
  • I deserve to be treated well. I am not a gold digger, and I am not asking for gifts or expensive dates. But please don’t take me to McDonalds (or the like) for a date. I will laugh and then promptly hang up, block, etc if that even comes out of your mouth or fingers…Seriously, it can be  a cheap or free date (heck, you can use a groupon or something! LOL), but give it some thought! Lol
  • Don’t start talkin’ marriage right away! In the past, this has happened, and its crazy! Ugh. I know this is typically a guy thing, but for me, I am in no rush!
  • You will have to EARN my trust and respect – Yes, obviously been burned in relationships. Yes, honestly, I do have trust issues. I am being upfront, so this should not come as a big surprise. You will have to work your tail off to prove to me that you are worth my time and emotions! I have to be cautious for the sake of my emotional health and for the benefit of my children. Yes, I have issues, and so do you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! lol

 

Okay, so I think that is it for now. I am sure I will have more to add, so this will be a “work in progress” 🙂

 

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I feel like I can finally breathe freely again. The divorce was final a couple of weeks ago, and that burden is gone. Now I can concentrate fully  on God, the only thing that has brought me this far in life, and the only one who has been there for me…unconditionally.

I made it through my summer semester of school with flying colors, but had to drop the fall semester as it was too much for me at the time. I kept falling further and further behind…I know I could do each assignment, but it was the amount of work that was piled on top of me that made me drop. I need to pay back some grants before I can go back, and I don’t know when that will be. I am hoping to get a part time job to make ends meet (especially since I don’t have the financial aid coming in). I have some things that I am helping a friend out with, that could potentially end up being a job, BUT that is all in God’s timing. And I have to figure out what to do from here until that happens.

It seems like every day I am further and further behind on bills. I make sure my house payment is made and my van, and everything comes later, if the money is there.  Then there is the fact that my feet and knees are in constant pain, due to arch issues I have had since Feb. there are some days that are bearable, when I have stayed on top of taking ibuprofen 800’s day and night.

And then there are the comments that come from well-meaning (or at least I hope so!) individuals that have no clue exactly what is going on in my life.  They can assume that I am being lazy, that is their problem. Through prayer, God has told me “Patience”. He has timing in everything, including finding a job.  But I don’t expect everyone to understand that.  They can assume I didn’t do enough in my divorce. I know that I did what God wanted me to do, by not taking him for everything he’s got. Yes, he deserved it, but I couldn’t get a peace about doing that to him.

Even through all this adversity, I can’t give up. I won’t give up. I keep on going, by a Strength that is bigger than me. He understands me at my core, and He has always been there. He has blessed me with friends who accept me and encourage me  through this. He protected me years ago when my first husband abused me so badly, and He healed the wounds that were left from all of that. He was there when I was a little girl , when I was convinced I was unlovable.  And He is here for me now, reminding me I am worth so much more than what I settle for.  One thing He has brought to mind is that my hardships are not only for my growth, but so others can see His glory and hand through it all. And that is my hope. I don’t regret anything, even when times are tough. I know these hard times are only temporary.

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