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Archive for November, 2011

The past week or so has been so emotionally exhausting. I think part of it has to do with these first major holidays after the divorce. I find myself grieving even harder than I have in quite some time. I have been in tears off and on for days, and managed to get the new Christmas tree up without breaking down. There is some hopeful expectation mingled in of the coming days. I know its all going to be ok, and that there will be healing by the end of all of this. Its easy to feel so lonely, when so many of my friends get to share their holidays with their spouses, and here I am, my first time in such a long time, and honestly my heart aches everyday. I do find myself, crying more to God, to be enough. To be enough for me and my children, so we don’t fall victim to any emotional decisions.

Top those feelings and pains with trying to explain to kids why things will be different, and unexpected things keep popping up, creating more burdens. And I will not be around either of my parents for Thanksgiving, for various and understandable reasons…and that kinda hurts too…thankfully I will at least be spending it with my Grandma, brother, and sis-in-law.

My heart goes out to others who must be going through similar situations. All these changes, all this processing and growing, its not fun. I know it would be impossible to make it through this without God’s help. I know that this pain will ease over time, and that there will be new memories made. Its always these first’s that hurt the most.

 

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