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Archive for December, 2012

So this is another new year, with new hopes, goals and dreams. I have to say that I am pretty excited this time around, and I love the anticipation that comes with it. I have not always felt this way, but thankfully God is still healing me 🙂

Yet another thing I love about LC is the way fasting is encouraged at the first of the year. What a wonderful way to give God our first! So many people participate in so many unique ways. Last year I did a vegan fast (because being in Oklahoma I LOVE beef and chicken…lol) it went well, but this year I felt pulled in a different direction. I will be fasting from social media (mainly Facebook and Twitter) for 21 days. The more I think about it, the more it makes me sad to even think I need to do it…meaning I spend way too much time on it. Anyway, so I am eager to see what God will do with it .

I am not really into resolutions, and try to make changes as needed instead of saying all this stuff that I will do this year. I know that sometimes life gets in the way or God steers in another direction and I want to allow for that. So I think just some good ol’ fashioned goal setting will be ok with me. So maybe you consider them resolutions, but with goals it seems more achievable in my mind. So here are some goals for this year. I may not start right off on some of these like some would do with resolutions because I tend to feel overwhelmed after a little bit. But it’s my overall prayer that God will help me accomplish these things and more in 2013:

Grow in God – I know this may sound cliché or cheesy, but I truly want to grow in my relationship with Him. My prayer is that God will restore the passion that I once had, but that it would be more mature. For the past few years I have not spent as much time studying the Bible like I feel like I should. I chose to concentrate just on reading it , trying to build better habits. This year it’s time to dive in and study study study.

Become a better spiritual leader for my kids-  This is an area that I am not entirely comfortable with, to be honest. I have a lot of “old fashioned” values, one of them being that this is a position for a man. While that is ideal, it’s up to me as a single parent to do the best I can.  I have spent the past few years angry and bitter that I was forced in to this role. Now it is far past time for me to move on from that anger, and guide my children to grow closer to God. This is going to take a lot of work and prayer, but I know God will help me one step at a time

Eat Healthy/Get Active – While this is the normal topic for this time of year for millions, I really want to break all my bad habits with food and exercise. It’s been a tough adjustment this past year going back to work after staying home for 5 years, and now I am feeling the blahs of bad eating and not getting some exercise in. I have done well here and there for a few months at time, but I want lasting lifestyle changes, not some fad diets. My goal in this area is to get my family and I eating more “real foods” and far less processed foods. I have wanted to make this transition for several years, and health-wise I need it more than ever.

Set aside time for other hobbies and interests– I have no idea how I am going to work this goal out, but I know God will guide me! I want to read more books (and finish them!). I want to write more, not just blogs, but do poetry again and work towards developing other writing skills.  There are other things like at least finishing that scarf I was knitting on (my first project and so far only knitting project) and cooking more.  Sometimes I feel too tired or distracted to do those things…so I am hoping the reduced time on the internet and eating healthier might help 🙂

 

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God is My Provider….

Yesterday, I found myself having to deal with another leak in my van. I had been having some issues  over the past few weeks with the radiator leaking, and hoped I had it patched enough to make it a while longer…but it didn’t hold out as long as I had hoped. I took it in and all was well until I got the diagnosis: radiator replacement. Cost to fix would be a minimum of $400 on up to $700 for all the suggested things. I was shocked and it was all I could do to maintain control. I stood there in front of several men, and cried quietly as I was thinking, “I shouldn’t have went Christmas shopping this weekend, then I would have the money to fix it!”  The $200 I had left until payday was not enough, but the leak was slow enough I just drove to work. I knew things would be ok, I was stressed, but I figured God would pull us through until next Thursday.

Today I go into work as normal. Then I get an unexpected break and call to my bosses’ office. I was handed an envelope from an anonymous person that contained this:

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I was in shock, and again I cried. This time the good kind of ugly cry. I won’t say how much was given, but it’s more than enough to cover what my car repair will be , it will also more than likely pay for another part I have to have fixed, and cover some of the money I spent on Christmas for the kids (because I ended up having to shuffle around some bills just to get them their presents).  All I can say is , God is good and He is my provider!

I am so blessed to have friends who give extravagantly, and love so much, even when I feel I don’t have much to offer. Thank you for being Jesus for me in this season of my life, and I can hardly wait to do the same for others in the future!

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Here I am relaxing a bit, with lights on the tree blinking and shiny glittery stuff all over the place. For the first time in several years, I allowed myself to have a little fun this Christmas. The past few years was tainted with personal reservations and hurts…but this year I was determined to make it different for the kids and myself.

Fall and winter are my favorite times of year, Christmas being the climax. Growing up it used to be the presents expected, but now it’s a different type of expectation and hope. After I had children, it all seemed to change. Specifically when my 2nd child, was born, I remember looking at her close to the holidays, and FINALLY I got it. I got a glimpse of the love of God, the sacrifice of Jesus and now had a brand new understanding of what Mary and Joseph went through. After that revelation my relationship with God was radically changed for the better. Now there is not a Christmas that passes that I don’t reflect on all of that…and all I can to do is be in such awe and cry.

Even though Christmas is still a couple weeks away, I am already looking toward the new year. 2012 has had its share of challenges, but looking back its been the best year in quite a while. God is good! After some thought and prayer, I realized there was something missing or at least something I miss. I miss  that fiery passion for Christ I had way back when. Here, I am talking like I am old lady! 🙂

I have been a Christian since for 20+ years, and rededicated about 11 years ago or so. I can say that I didn’t really understand what the whole “being saved” stuff was when it happened (I was 12), but I knew I believed there was a God and I believed in Jesus, I just didn’t understand what I was supposed to do afterwards. When I became an adult and had a wake-up call about what real life was like, I realized more than ever I needed God or I wasn’t going to make it.  After the rededication, God was all I could cling to in the middle of the abuse I was going through. I had conversations with God, sensed His protection, studied the Word because it was what I longed to do, and spent every day possible up at the church doing whatever I could. Everything was new, I had so many questions, and I couldn’t get enough of God.

Then so much happened over the course of years: 1st husband dying, 2nd husband abusing kids and starting to abuse me, church I attended for years crumbling, abandoned by best friend,  lifelong battle with depression and anxiety and more recently 3rd husband cheating on me and ultimately picking her over me and on and on. My faith was shaken, for so many years I felt like I was in a desert spiritually and no way out. I wanted to pull away and just be alone, as so many people I thought I could trust hurt me so much. But God, used that last situation to wake me up, and remind me that He was still there and always had been.

While my relationship with Him has been renewed and refreshed, I feel like there is still some passion and desire missing. I know from experience that I do not want to live the roller coaster of mountain highs and valley lows , you know, extremes. I also don’t want to be stuck on a plateau. I also know that when God restores that fire, it’s going to be different than before. So that’s my prayer this year. I want God to restore my passion and fire for Him. I want to read my Bible and pray because I want to, not because I feel its some sort of formula. I want to be closer to Him and not pull away. I want to trust Him more. And as weird as this sounds, I want to quit being afraid of what He could do If I just let go completely…(and that thought, my friends, is a topic for another blog… 🙂   )

 

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