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Posts Tagged ‘writing’

Of Living…

One if the bravest acts is to live. To choose to exist beyond merely breathing can be terrifying to even consider.

If one thinks long enough, they see that choice means to willingly go into other worlds, entering into another brave soul’s existence knowing that there will be pain one day. Maybe it will be a tearing away by words or death, but one thing is certain that the heart will be wounded. Loving creates these beautiful connections on earth, that hurt when one is pulled so far away.

Depression is one of the Dark Ones. It creeps in ever so slowly, sometimes holding hands with it’s other family members, Anxiety and Fear. Whispering so quietly that it matches the sound of thought, saying that no one cares and that the pain will be too great to bear. Distracted by holding the weight of it, Fear is able to tie the heart off until it’s numb so we cannot fight the walls Depression and Anxiety build. All that’s left is a lie: that we are alone and others are not worth the
risk of hurting again. Empty and merely a breath, time passes by until the end.

One day, a new voice faintly rises above the sounds. This one different, like a splash of color, like light in a dark world. One that has been there all along, whispering Love.

Love cuts the thread around the heart and each heartbeat cracks the wall more. Love creates these vessels that connect to other’s hearts, preventing the Dark Ones from rebuilding. Those connections bring life and joy, while strengthening the heart to stand against the pain that will come one day.

All of this from one courageous moment when the choice is made
to step out and be fully alive and to believe the truth that you are more than a breath.

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Conspire with me.
Show me your heart and all that lies within.
Let’s see how much good we can do!
In the quiet…scheming.
Creating beauty through secret acts between us and God.
Extravagant gifts and over-the-top acts of service…
The day’s end filled with whispers of joy and adventure.
Praising and thanking Him for allowing us to be some small part.

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Writings Part 7

Its been a while since I have shared some of the things God has helped me write…

_____________________________________

My heart sings a new song

that rose in my heart.

For Your love has redeemed the lost years.

I am worth more than I allowed all that time…

Your love overflows,

and the more it does,

the more I want to serve You…

to show others.

 

_____________________________

 

Gratefulness pours out

  overflowing

    as the heart continually

      seeks the Giver

        overwhelmed by blessing

          there is no other choice

            but to pass along.

              So the cycle continues…

                until His return.

_______________________________

 

Even as the heart aches

He is there catching every flow.

Tears streaming down

for fear acceptance is real.

The truth hurts when it’s told,

but not forgetting the path

that lies within.

Hope abounds in every rainbow,

Every moment a whisper

  of His love.

Carried on forever in each light.

__________________________________

 

You are a shield about me.

Your shadow is comfort,

 as a child chases their daddy’s shadow.

You protect me of fears,

 even those not yet realized.

You redirect when necessary,

  guiding my every step.

I walk with confidence,

  knowing You are their defending me.

 

 

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My heart stood still
As I wondered,
if I should ever survive.
One cut.
then two…
Taken to my core.
Pieces taken off….
As the rest of me
threatens to shatter,
for the pressure was too great.
Mind racing
yet calm,
So unnatural in such a time.
How many pieces I had left….
will never be known.
He took the fragments,
cast aside by the enemy
(for he was foolish enough
to think nothing could survive)
He took them,
held them close…
until time.
Rearranging and fashioning.
healing
Preparing my way
for His calling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Were You enough even then,
to contain that which was in me?
Surrounding me…
with beings with shields and swords.
Encamping,
not a dart blazed through.
And when I could no longer hold myself up,
They held my arms and legs at
Your command.
You were enough,
for You gave me which was in me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lifting up my hand,
reaching through the dirt,
as if to breathe my first.
Awakening from a slumber
that crept upon me…
not even realizing my dream
and reality had merged…
yet it was no the dream
it could have been.
Not the dream it should have been.
Washing me, mending me
taking such time, such care.
While I let go of my control,
for my own sin lead to a live burial.
Opening my eyes to the gift,
a new dream,
that fits into my reality.
Not my own dream,
but His.

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The horrors of those moments
barely a whisper in the mind.
Survival somehow arrived
in the time needed most.
Memories faded, blurred with time…
Thoughts occur every now and again,
What was worse…
for it to have been a stranger?
or for it to be the one who was known?
Would it have mattered,
if the consent was there?
In those moments
fear was realized,
life could have been ended,
one or both.
Even during the nightmares
was Peace,
From the One
who knew every harm,
whispering, “Hold on…”
while shielding my heart,
my spirit.
Hurt still present,
but resiliency was strong.
He was there,
in those twilight images.
Through shock
Through tears and pleas
Holding close,
in a heavenly embrace.
Not a drop forgotten,
even as the splash continues to echo
ever so faintly.
what was meant for my destruction,
resulted in strength, in faith,
Life preserved and gained through Him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was pain,
too hard to bear.
My mouth was silenced,
my voice was not there.
Going through the motions,
Barely getting by.
No one really noticed,
how much I did cry.
It was my burden
to carry all alone.
No help needed,
I’ll do it on my own.
That came with a cost,
to be isolated
From those that cared.
Myself, I hated.
One day, when nearly gone
came a wake up call
not to be forgotten
not wanted at all.
He sees the big picture
and is seeing me through
Never forsaking
Always knowing what to do.

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Stranded in the solitude of my despair
With love so deep, You saw me there.
Blinded by my sin and my shame,
Change me, Lord, I don’t want to be the same.

When I thought my life was in waste,
Your Words are the sweetness I taste.
I’ve been wondering all my life where You’ve been,
You were calling me again and again.

I want to lose myself in You
Lord, I will always worship You
To forget what’s behind,
To look forward to what’s ahead
Just to lose myself in You…
And let You make my life anew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(this one is very intense, it is about the abuse I went through with my 1st husband who suffered from bipolar disorder)

Up, toward the ceiling.
over, to the wall.
tv set, doorway.
permanently etched…
better than to be haunted
by eyes  possessed.
biding time until it was finished,
tears flowing silently,
knowing
no one knew of secrets, hidden well.
private pains…
protected heart by One who did know.
No questioning why
Just knowing
Someday knowledge would come.

They thought it destroyed
what was focused on One.
They thought the battle was won.

Up, toward the ceiling.
over, to the wall.
tv set, doorway.
Perhaps stood the angels,
waiting.
protecting life.
waiting for the time.

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